The truth about pregnancy

Everyone who is pregnant reacts differently. Some never get sick, some don't gain much weight, some feel for the most part normal and others do not. I am the later. I do not feel myself at all. My energy is drained, I get nauseous and puke the first 14 weeks, my immune system already being compromised (from the CF) plus the stress of the pregnancy makes me get sick easily, I gain weight like crazy fast (especially because I cannot exercise do to my high risk pregnancies), I get heart burn, my hair falls out and usually I get acne. So in other words I guess you could say that I feel beautiful when I am pregnant. 😒 The only part that is beautiful to me is the part where I am carrying another life in me and I love this being so, so much.  Anyway so far with every pregnancy I have been cautiously optimistic and very proud of every day that passes. I am now 17.3 weeks, I have been bleeding through my entire pregnancy so far and dread going to the bathroom for fear the bleeding will start again. It is getting more frequent but not more in amount, which is good. I get stressed to go to work and even dropped my hours to just one 13 hour shift a week. I want so badly for this baby to make it and I count down the days to when this baby is viable and able to be delivered without having too many complications. I currently see a High Risk team as well as my regular OB; both who I love and feel comfortable with. They are checking my cervix, blood pressure, and glucose levels closely, and I usually have 5 appointments a month; or more if I am having more problems. My tentative cesarean section is scheduled for 39 weeks which seems forever away. 3 times in my pregnancies I have gone in and my babies have no longer had a heart beat. It is heart breaking each time, and I pray over and over that I could not take that pain one more time. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't think of my second baby (who my sister in law is carrying) but part of the reason I don't worry too much about that babe is because I know it is in the care of someone that loves it and is a superstar at carrying a babies.  I started this pregnancy doing a lot of meditations, praying and visualizing the health of the baby, and praising my body for carrying this lovely soul. I definitely feel like that helped me stay more positive and get the negative thoughts out of my mind.  The plan so far is to have two appointments this next week, and start makenna shots this next friday. Until then Keep Dreaming!!