O's delivery story

As you know we used IVF to get our son O, and as you know we were pregnant with twins. As my pregnancy progressed, slowly we started having problems. Contracting at 19 weeks, I checked myself into Labor and Delivery on a Sunday. I felt stupid because I worked there and I constantly saw woman who really had nothing to worry about and would come in wanting pain medication or just come in to hear their baby’s heart beat. Some women came in every week until they delivered. I didn’t want to be one of those women. They sent me home, saying this was normal for carrying twins, and my body was just getting used to carrying two babies. 

 At my 20 week appointment my doctor stated he felt comfortable with how my pregnancy was going and he didn't see a reason to treat me like a high risk pregnancy.  As time went on everything seemed to be running smoothly. During my pregnancy I would wake up around 8 am and either walk the outdoor pool my husband worked at, or join in on the water aerobics class. It was fun, it cooled me down, and I felt like I was doing something good for my babies.

 Around week 23, I woke up one morning from a terrible nights sleep (which was very common for me through this whole pregnancy), but something was different about this night. I woke up feeling blah (I really have no other way of describing it). I had weird dreams all night and felt very warn down. I went for my swim, not joining the water aerobics because I just felt really tired and sick. I took it easy the rest of the day knowing that I was scheduled to work that night. I started contracting around noon and thought that if I slept everything would be fine. I woke up for work and worked all night, but felt contractions throughout the night. Talking with the nurses I worked with we decided that I should go home and have a full days sleep, and if it continued then I would check myself into labor and delivery. I slept well, and woke up for work and everything seemed fine. Once again I started contracting and during work a friend and I went down and got checked into Labor and delivery. They had a hard time finding two heartbeats. The nurse seemed a little concerned, but tried to hide it. O wouldn’t really stay on the monitor and they couldn’t find a second heartbeat. The nurse left the room to call the doctor on call and when she came back into the room she stated the doctor had said to record two different heart rates and send me on my way. It would be up to me whether I would stay at work or go home and get some sleep. 

The next day was our 24 week appointment. That morning Timmy and I gathered our things, for what we thought would be a normal ultrasound. Unfortunately we were told the worst. The doctor looked at C first and moved the ultrasound around a little, and then immediately moved up to O, where we heard a heart rate immediately and saw him moving. He moved back down to where C was and he stated he was sorry, but he was unable to find Cs' heart beat. He said a few things about Cs' position and suggested that we make our way over to maternal fetal medicine (MFM). My husband and I were devastated, both holding each other the whole way to MFM, praying that we would have the strength to move forward. I felt empty inside, that something had stabbed me in the heart. At MFM they performed an in depth ultrasound on both babies. There was no reason they could see why C passed away, and both babies looked perfect otherwise. This was devastating and scary. We were now hit with the worry of what would happen next. The doctors assured us that there would be no reason that I would deliver O early and that he would be safe. 

I was a wreck for the remainder of my pregnancy. I bought a Doppler and I worried about feeling him move, and listened to his heart beat constantly. The doctor suggested that because everything looked okay to continue with our planned appointments, and I did not feel comfortable with this at all. I asked if we could possibly start doing fetal non stress tests (NST) every other week. I started spotting at 26 weeks and once again was assured that nothing would happen to my baby and to continue working and living a normal life. At 29 weeks I went in for a NST and watched the heart strip as my sons heart rate went down to the 90's, I screamed out and the medical assistant told the doctor and once again I was assured that it was picking up my maternal heart rate, and everything was fine. I had trusted my doctors but with everything going on I was starting to lose trust. I knew with my whole heart that this was not true, and something was going wrong. I went home and for the remainder of the day listened to my son. He sounded great all day until I sat down to eat lunch. Once again I heard his heart rate slow, I checked my heart rate and continued to listen to his, which at this point was much slower than mine. The panic I was going through was almost too much. I started running through a million scenarios in my mind and none turned out okay. I knew I had to do something. I called Timmy crying and he instructed me to go to the office to be seen, a small voice in my heart told me that I needed to check into the hospital instead. 

The girls I had worked with for years checked me in and asked me all the typical questions. Why was I there? Could I feel him move? Was I bleeding? What was I worried about? Unfortunately I felt like they thought I was worrying for no reason, I felt like people were thinking “not her again.” I knew deep in my heart that I was there for a reason and if they only knew what I was going through. Now more than ever I know that a mother knows her body best and there is such a thing as mother’s intuition. Because of this I feel like I am a better nurse and when a mother tells me something is wrong, something is. As soon as I was connected to the machines, the nurse went out and called the doctor, the doctor wrote for me to be discharged home. The nurse came back and said “We have a discharge order for you to go home, but because we know you, you can stay until you feel comfortable leaving.” I asked to stay just another 30 min, and then almost immediately Os heart rate went down with her standing in the room. I was so grateful this had happened otherwise I don’t know if they would have kept me. 

That night my sons’ heart rate had a deceleration into the 40’s, for almost 5 min. He recovered and they kept me for a few more days. Luckily at this point the Neonatologist came in and the doctors decided that I would get 2 doses of Betamethasone (a steroid to help mature the babies lungs), and start me on Magnesium sulfate (to prevent brain bleeds for the baby). These days were some of the worst in my life; worrying about my son constantly, listening to his heart drop and not being able to do anything about it. Throughout my stay I had seen so many doctors and they were all telling me something different. I was getting confused by all the statistics and stories and was even told at one point that if they sent me home there would only be a 20% chance that I would lose this baby. Sat night, the nurse I had was sick and only came into the room once to take out my foley catheter and disconnect my iv. She seemed to think that I would be going home soon. Through the night I was re- positioning myself to help bring my sons heart rate up. I stayed awake watching the monitors and every time his heart rate went down, no one came in. I would just watch the charting show up on the computer screen, as if they were doing something. At this point I was so tired, so worried and I was mad. Nothing was being done about my situation and no one seemed to be worried about anything. I had already lost one son, and I wasn't going to lose another. 

Sunday morning I was transferred to a new doctor (the laborist for the day). This was the only time where I finally felt like my questions were being answered and that we were making progress. I got up to use the restroom, and Cs water broke. I said calmly to my mom and my nurse “I think my water broke.” The answer I got was “Why do you think that?” I said “Because there was a pop, and look?”Once again I was bleeding, and the water was definitely not clear. They told me this would not change any plans unless it put me into labor. Right away I was contracting and 15 min later I was 7 centimeters. They rushed me back for a cesarean section (due to where C was lying and because O was breech) and there I delivered both my babies. 

Mostly worried about O he calmed my nerves as he came out screaming, what seemed louder than most babies. That afternoon I got to hold my Angel baby C, he was perfect. I can't tell you the special feeling we had in the room, his spirit was there and I knew he was watching out for his brother. If C's water wouldn’t have broke that day, I don’t know if O would have made it. I feel like he passed away so O could grow big and strong and his water broke to save O life. The techs that day were able to get his hand and foot prints and his hand and foot molds. They will always be special to me. 

My tiny 3 pound baby O went to the NICU, after only a few hours, I was able to get up and make my way to the NICU to see him. He was on continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) but no oxygen and had a umbilical venous catheter (UVC), but I was not as worried now that I could see him. My emotions were crazy, I was dealing with the loss of one, the feeling of being detached from O, including trying to heal from a cesarean section and pumping every 3 hours. I felt alone; I felt as though no one knew what I was going through. I felt as though my heart was torn between 2 worlds. I was happy that my son was here and alive, sad that he was in the NICU and sad I lost a son and knew that we would be signing a birth and death certificate at the same time. 

The next few days were a blur, I was overly tired, in some pain and my hormones were a mess. I will always be grateful for the nurses I had in Postpartum who took care of me and listened to me cry. I will never forget this experience; the good and the bad, the happy and sad. Both my boys are so special to me and little O will always be a little miracle.